God Is Good.

GUYS. I got baptized today. It was honestly so surreal and probably one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life. It wasn’t easy either. It took a lot for commit. I felt so bad… I had bailed about 3x before I finally was just like, DO IT SHIRLEY. I just felt like I was annoying them, but that’s my own insecurities and worries taking over. Even more of a reason to do the damn thang.

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I went to Mosaic in Hollywood. It’s a non-denominational Christian church, and every time I go, I never regret it. My friends brought me here a while back, and I can’t say I’ve been the best at attending. Many asked me today how long I’ve been coming, and it was honestly very hard to admit I haven’t. I joined a kickball league in the summer, and that was my excuse. As I usually do, I tried to make light of the matter and bring humor into the situation to avoid facing reality.

I cried on my way over. I was pretty anxious. I knew I was only going to be worse when I got there. It’s been a long, long journey with God. My parents put me in Christian private schools my whole life, and the religion itself has been engraved in my brain. Going through life and its struggles, I’ve fallen off my walk with God too many times to count. Somehow eventually, I find my way back. My issue was I was angry. I would blame him for all the things that were happening to me, when in reality I was only a victim of my own sins. I have a handful of friends who care a lot about me and have always told me God is the answer. When they would tell me that, I would get so mad at them. They would tell me to pray, and I’d be like, “I’m talking to nobody!”

Okay let’s get to the point. I believe God is the Savior and I need to put all my faith in Him. It isn’t about religion, or how you glorify being a Christian. It’s not about going to church every Sunday, and it’s not about living a perfect life. It’s about believing in Him and asking for forgiveness. I used to hate my parents and blame my crazy strict high school on how I turned out. I acted out and I rebelled. This lead me down a very dark and lonely path.

I understand not everyone agrees with this idea of God existing, and I understand the doubts. The fact of the matter is, I was blessed to be exposed to such positive morals and values. While most may be common sense, the things I’ve learned have molded me into the strong, caring, female adult I am today. It’s about being the best person you can be, and living a life you can genuinely be proud of. Nobody is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes. God always gives you a second, third, fourth chance.

The people at Mosaic are literally nothing short of amazing. While I looked lost, as I was, everyone there was so helpful and quick to offer a helping hand. The reassurance we were given that everything was going to be okay was beyond what I needed. The pastor Rachel who did my baptism, her energy, mayne. I can only strive to be her. She impacted my day more than she’ll ever know. Just so much love, kindness, and positivity, without even trying.

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I honestly feel like the baptism itself went by so fast. Before I knew it I was in the water. Also felt like I was numb for some reason. Oh yeah, started crying when the girl in front of me went. When the doors opened and exposed those of us getting baptized, I saw my friends in the crowd. In that moment, I was so thankful. The fact that they took time out of their Sunday to share such a special moment with me was everything. Shoutout to my LA fam, you girls are my rock.

Driving home, for the first time in my life, I felt at peace. For the first time in a long time, I felt okay. I felt like I was going to be okay. I really had to just cherish the feeling and hold on to it. I’m very quick to go into a negative space, no matter how hard I try not to. I called my best friends from home and shared the news and told them I loved them.

Currently about to go volunteer at an event tonight with the VMA’s. I honestly have no idea what it is, and it’s taking a lot for me to not just crawl into bed. Say no to naps.

“My name is Shirley. Jesus is Lord. And I’m ALL IN.”

TRACK OF THE DAY: Honestly, I’ve always been concerned about the negative stigma associated with rap music. Especially me, who lives, breathes, and sleeps this current wave of hip hop. It’s hard not to get judged when you hear the most ignorant lyrics and you see someone who just thrives off it. Honestly, it is no reflection of how I live my life. I really just appreciate the music in itself and the production behind it.

Here’s a breath of fresh air. Evidence is a dope MC from Los Angeles and part of the rap group Dilated Peoples. Saw this track in a tweet from a writer at DX. Don’t ever forget the good times. Stay up fam.

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We Are Your Friends

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Hg sent me this meme. If you’re my friend, feel free to send me funny shit… any time. They get me through the day. But honestly, this is the best line on the whole Future album. #DirtySprite2. Also, this is my kind of Wheel Of Fortune. Ha.

Excuse this ADD post. It’s 4:30am and I’ve never been so awake. Honestly, I had an epiphany tonight. I firmly believe my naps are hindering me from reaching my full potential in life. They certainly aren’t helping the insomnia I’ve been struggling with since before I can remember. It’s just, I’ll literally catch myself fantasizing about that nap when I get home. I think about it a lot… throughout my day. Smh. You feel me though?

Thank goodness for late night movie showings. Me and my hg saw We Are Your Friends at The Grove tonight… at 12:25am. Clutch. I woke up at 11pm. The fountain was off. Apologies to my Snapchat friends who don’t get to see the lovely water fountain I post every time I’m there. It’s literally the same snap every time and I find it funny. I hope people don’t think I’m serious haha. But yes, The Grove is one of my favorite spots in Los Angeles.

The movie was great. Here’s my review via blkdmnds.com.

http://blkdmnds.com/2015/08/zac-efron-is-the-world-of-edm/

If you like EDM and go to raves and festivals, you’ll get a kick out of this. Zac Efron and Emily Ratajkowski (always a challenge spelling that one) blessing the big screen is enough reason in itself to check it out.

But really, she’s fire. Have you guys seen her in the music video with Robin Thicke? Her career set sail after that one. I’ll lace you with the link at the bottom.

I can’t believe it’s almost September. August was really rough for me, but it definitely flew by. I recently got my dream job (take that with a grain of salt) but I’m future tripping. I have literally no days off in September. And looking at the social obligations I committed to on top of my schedule literally stresses me out. I had to quit the kickball league I signed up for on Sunday’s :(. Shout out to Urban Spots LA. I would highly recommend this recreational league to any one looking to have a great time and meet amazing new faces.

Back to my rant. I legit just want a day off to go see my brother’s new place in Irvine. Oh and errands. 8-9 hour days every day are going to be hard to get used to. I don’t have enough time to get my nails done on my lunch breaks. Serious concern…

I also got an email tonight that Jake Gyllenhaal retweeted my article on Southpaw.

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Upon further research, I realized I can’t tell if that’s his official account. And then I realized, I really don’t give a fuck. Lawl. Here’s the article if you’re interested. Dope movie.

http://blkdmnds.com/2015/08/sorry-eminem-jake-gyllenhaal-owned-southpaw/

Final thought. Los Angeles is having another heat wave. I honestly hate being cold over anything, but that moment of getting in your car and your seatbelt is too hot to put on is pretty bad too.

Long day tomorrow. Pray for me. Or send me memes of Future.

TRACK OF THE DAY: Emily Ratajkowski. Jk. This music video was great though. #FBF (Flashback Friday).

Mistress America

I just got home from watching Mistress America, an indie film showing at my favorite movie theaters in Los Angeles: The Landmark on Pico. Best popcorn and the most luxurious black leather seats. Honestly, indie films are where it’s at. I always get a deep meaning out of them, even if I have to dig. This story was based in New York, and really really made me want to move there (I feel like if I say it enough, it’ll actually happen one day).

I won’t bore you with the plot, but I related to one of the main characters almost too much. It was scary. It was about her journey to find herself and what she loves in life. It showed her need for social media as a way to stay connected with the world. Not because she wanted to, but felt like she had to. It highlighted the fact that you really don’t know shit until you’re 30, and you still might not know. This gave me some hope, since I keep telling people I’m going through a mid life crisis. But like really, I totally am.

Side note, me and my hg (hg = homegirl, please don’t ask again) (jk) got the best foot massage before. If you know me, you know I need my massages. Self care is a huge priority in life, and I encourage everyone to have that one getaway that gets them through the week. It’s something I actually won’t mind spending money on. I’m frugal to say the least. I also hope to convert all my friends eventually. It’s fun to go with a buddy.

My grandma passed away this week and they were cleaning out her apartment. My brother just flew home for the funeral and texted me this picture:

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The text said: “Dude she was knitting baby socks for us.”

Is that not the saddest thing you’ve ever heard? My heart broke in that moment. Tears came for sure.

That’s really our overall purpose in life though right? To reproduce and give your kids the best life possible?

Shit.

TRACK OF THE DAY: This song is cute. I love Jake and Papa, a R&B duo from LA. They definitely can sing. Honestly, I couldn’t find anything on Quiz. Hopefully soon :).